Tetraforce
interviews Bowser
(5 minutes before the
show…)
(Tetraforce walks in the
backstage door. He hasn’t been in the studio since he was dragged away from
it. The backstage is a mess. Bowser is still at the snack table though, eating
away. If you want to know how the snacks were still there after Bowser eating
for three days straight; after the Gourmet Guy incident, the studio got a snack
table that regenerates food.)
Tetraforce: YOU’RE STILL
HERE?!
Bowser: Yeah. My interviewer
didn’t come. But now I’m outta here!
Tetraforce: NO! I’m your
interviewer!
Bowser: FINE!
(Kooper walks in)
Kooper: OH MY GOSH! IT’S
BOWSER!
Tetraforce: He’s my
interviewee.
Kooper: Oh. Well anyway,
it’s show-.
Tetraforce: I know.
(Tetraforce walks on stage and
is once again met by the clapping of the audience.)
Tetraforce: Thank you everyone!
Thanks for being at my trail. But how did you know I was at court?
Audience: …
Tetraforce: Anyway, today I
will interview… Bowser!
(Bowser walks on stage. A
quarter of the audience run out the door and the rest boo.)
Bowser: ROOOOOOOOOAR!
(The audience stops booing)
Tetraforce: Don’t do that!
Here’s my first question; how much do you hate Mario?
Bowser: Bad enough to put
you in a headlock for asking that question!
Tetraforce: Moving on… Why in
the world did you leave an ax behind you when you were on a suspended bridge?
Bowser: Grrr. That ax was
for reinforcement. The plan was to use the ax if I got in trouble.
Tetraforce: But why did you
keep leaving the ax behind you when Mario used it against you the first time?
Bowser: If you noticed, in
the later worlds, I used hammers. In the last world, I planned to use the ax
right away. But Mario got to the ax really fast and cut the hope for the last
time.
Tetraforce: Next Q; in Paper
Mario, it looked like you had a crush on peach. Is that true?
Bowser: NO! It was all in
the script! Nintendo made me do it!
Peach: (from audience) LAIR!
After we were done making Paper Mario, you sent me a love letter!
Bowser: …
Tetraforce: Ouch. Next
question; Are there any plans for another GCN game?
Bowser: Bwah ha ha! Why
should I tell?
Tetraforce: Cause I asked you
too!
Bowser: I won’t tell you!
Tetraforce: ANSWER THE FREAKING
QUESTION!
Bowser: Okay. Of course! As
long as Nintendo is around, I’ll stay around.
Tetraforce: Why are you so
stupid?
Bowser: Actually I’m not.
Do you know what the square root of 76097916921744 is?
Tetraforce: No.
Bowser: I do, I just did it
in my head.
Tetraforce: What is it then?
Bowser: 8723412.
(Tetraforce whips out a
calculator and does the problem.)
Tetraforce: WOW! You’re
right!
Bowser: I know.
Tetraforce: But why then act so
stupid?
Bowser: One word; contract.
Tetraforce: I see. What is your
favorite game you were in?
Bowser: I’d have to say
Paper Mario. I stole the Star Rod, imprisoned the Star Spirits, rose my and
Peach’s castle to the sky, and even kidnapped Peach! I even became invincible!
But Mario still beat me!
Tetraforce: I beat you sooo bad
when I played Paper Mario too!
Bowser: ROAR!
Tetraforce: YIKE! One last
question from me, then it’s the audiences turn! Why do you pick such weaklings
for your army? You have the Koopas which are really weak, and then you have the
Buzzy Beatles. What’s with that?
Bowser: Budget. Plus, I’m
kind of jealous about the Buzzy Beatle shells. They didn’t come in my size.
Tetraforce: No duh. Q’s from
the audience! Seat 100.
Koopa: Will you give me a
raise?
Bowser: NO!
Koopa: Darn.
Tetraforce: Seat 72.
Toad: Yahoo!
Michael: I have a shotgun.
Toad: EEP! Why did you
kidnap our princess in SMB?
Bowser: I had just taken
over Mushroom Kingdom. Princess Peach was the only one who could reverse the
spell I cast over the Kingdom. So I had to capture her.
Tetraforce: Seat 4.
Goomba: I’m moving down!
Can’t you see me dropping numbers! Oh the humanity of it all!
Tetraforce: How are you alive?
I thought Yoshi ate you!
Goomba: Mario isn’t the
only one with extra lives…
Tetraforce: (Shudder). Okay. Ask the Q!
Goomba: What is your
favorite sport?
Bowser: Beating the crud out
of Mario. Oooh, if he were here right now…
Tetraforce: SEAT 12!
Bullet Bill: Who is your
favorite underling?
Bowser: The Hammer Bro. In Super Mario Bros, Mario had the most difficult time
getting past them.
Tetraforce: Last question from
seat 27.
Mario: Looking for me
Bowser?
Bowser: MARIO!
(Bowser dives into the
audience and starts fighting with Mario. You hear screams and yelps and
occasionally an audience member will fly over the stage. Tetraforceis just staring
with his eyes wide open.)
Tetraforce: Next time I will
interview Toad. I better go before
I get hurt.
(Tetraforce gets up to leave
but… WHACK! A chair from the audience hits Tetraforce smack in the back of the
head.)
End
Transmition!