Chapter
13
The
Underwater Castle
The
Mario Bros enter the castle and look around. All they see is water.
“Oh
come on!” Luigi yells. “The first room blank AGAIN?”
Luigi
starts swimming forward but Mario grabs his shoulder.
“You
idiot. Remember Dry Dry Ruins? You stepped into an obvious trap! It’s probably
another one. So listen very carefully to what I say… DON’T DO ANYTHING
STUPID OR YOU’LL GET US IN TROUBLE AGAIN!”
Right
after Mario finished yelling at Luigi, the noise detector on the ceiling… runs
out of batteries and doesn’t sound the alarm. But then the machine monitoring
the noise detector… short circuits. Then the video camera watching the whole
thing… gets water in it and blows up. But this whole sequence doesn’t matter
didilly squat because a guard was in that room anyways.
“HALT!
PUT YOUR HATS ON THE GOUND IN FRONT OF YOU AND GET ON THE FLOOR!” Yells the
guard.
“Which
order would you like that done in?” Mario asks.
“THE
ORDER I SAID IT IN!”
“But
I wasn’t paying attention.”
“YES
YOU WERE! YOU ASKED WHAT ORDER YOU SHOULD DO IT IN!”
“No
I didn’t. You’re going slowly insane by the loneliness with nobody to talk
to which is causing you to see and hear delusions and by the time I finish
talking you will have-.”
BOOM!
While Mario was talking the guard had blown himself up with a water proof
Bomb-omb.
“-committed
suicide.”
“OH
GROSS! I think I’m going to be sick…” Luigi says.
“Let’s
keep on moving.”
“Let’s.”
The
Mario Bros. swim into the next room and scream. In the room are twenty
Ball-n-chains, the ceiling is made up of spikes and spikes are constantly
falling, and there are tons and tons of Fishbones.
“H-how
do w-w-we get p-p-past?” Luigi stammers.
“Like
Marios.” Mario replies.
As
he says this, he picks up Luigi and throws him as hard as he can across the
room.
“AHHHHHHHHHH!”
Luigi screams as he heads towards one of the Ball-n-chains. He crashes into the
chain part and the chain snaps. Luigi then smashes into the wall at the other
end of the room. The Ball-n-chain that he decapitated falls to the floor and
causes a huge rumble. The rumble loosens all of the spikes on the ceiling and
they all fall. The spikes fall on all of the Fishbones. When the spikes hit the
Fishbones, they explode and the bones of the fish are going so fast that they
bounce around the room and cut all of the chains on the Ball-n-chains. Now the
room is completely clear of any harm.
“Too
easy.” Mario says as he just swims to the other side of the room.
Luigi
finally gains consciousness and punches Mario as hard as he can.
“WHAT
WAS THAT FOR?!” Luigi yells.
“Well
hey, we’re both safe aren’t we?”
“Well…
yeah. But…”
“But
nothing. Let’s move on.”
They
travel for about forty minutes and come to the boss door. Luigi is about to go
through but then gets an idea.
“After
you Mario…” Luigi says.
“Oh.
Why thank you.”
Mario
goes through while Luigi starts laughing his head off. However, Mario enters
without anything happening.
“Huh?”
Luigi says.
He
goes through the door and a net falls from the ceiling and lands on him.
“NOT
AGAIN!”
In
the center of the room is Bowser… in a huge sub (submarine, not a sandwich)
equipped with guns, turrets, and more guns.
“BWAH
HA HA HA! Nothing can penetrate my sub (once again, the machine that can go
underwater, not the sub that you go to Subway to get)!” Bowser says.
“Except
one thing.” Mario says coolly.
“What’s
that?” Bowser says mockingly.
“I
picked up something from that Goomba in the sub.”
Mario
holds up what look like a box.
“It’s
called a waterproof thermal detonator.”
“Uh-oh.”
BOOM! Bowser’s
sub (for the final time, the thing that the military uses to destroy battle
ships, not the sub that people use to destroy obesity) is destroyed. But because
the hero doesn’t die and usually doesn’t get hurt in explosions, Mario and
Luigi and unharmed. Bowser gets blown through the ceiling and Luigi is released
from the net.
“The
Goomba didn’t have a thermal detonator…” Luigi says.
A
long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…
“SET
THE BOMB! SET THE BOMB!” Luke yells.
Han
Solo reaches into his backpack.
“Uh-oh…”
“I
have you know, rebel scum!” Darth yells.
“Let’s
not read too much into that.” Mario says.
As
always, a brown bag falls down from the ceiling and starts shaking violently.
However, the shaking gets less and less, until it doesn’t shake anymore.
“Umm.
Wanna bet that that bag wasn’t water proof?” Luigi asks.
“No.
Let’s leave.” Mario says.
“But
he’ll die!”
“No
he won’t. They can’t die…”
The
Twilight Zone music starts playing.
“EEK!
WHAT WAS THAT?” Luigi shrieks.
“I
don’t know. Let’s go already!”
An
hour later they are back on the surface, looking for the next castle…