Chapter
19
The
Battle Ring
It is a boxing ring. A Lakutu comes down with a camera attached to the
end of a fishing rod.
“Okay listen’ up. Ya’ll gotta fight yo way
thru dis here ring. Beat da enemy here, an yu advance ta da next flor. Thare are
five flors. Got dat? Buy da way, whut’s yo name?”
“M to the A to the R to the I to the O! Got dat
Homey-L?” Mario says.
“Shat up! Lat da battle began!”
Ten Goombas enter the ring. Mario simply jumps on
all of their heads.
A staircase appears in the center of the ring. The Mario
brothers go up the staircase and are in the center of another ring. Ten Koopas
enter the ring. Mario jumps on one of the Koopas’ heads but the Koopa simply
goes into its shell, then pops back out again.
“That won’t work.” Luigi states.
“Sure it will. It always works…”
Mario attempts again but fails.
“Fine then. Do you have an idea?”
“Yes. Jump on them then kick them into the
others.”
Mario jumps on one of the Koopas and does just
that. The Koopa slides into three of the others and all four are knocked out.
Then spikes pop out of the other six Koopas shells.
“Well,” Luigi says, “Let’s drop that
idea.”
The Koopas then charge at the both of them. Mario
dives out of the way just in time but Luigi is hit. Hard.
“OWWWIEE!!!”
Mario gets really pissed and kicks one in the face.
While it’s still in the air, he kicks it at the others. Four get knocked out,
including the one that Mario kicked. The remaining one charges, but Mario gives
a hard kick and the final one gets knocked out cold. Mario rushes over to Luigi.
“Are you okay?”
“No.”
“Can you walk?”
“Yes.”
“Can I have your shoes?”
“NO! I don’t think I can fight though. I’ll
just be on the side lines and tell you what to do.”
The staircase appears and the Mario brothers go up
it. They are in yet another ring. Three Spineys enter the ring.
“Mario!” Luigi yells, “Don’t even try to
touch them! You’ll just get hurt!”
One of the Spineys tries to run into Mario, but
since it’s moving so incredibly slow, Mario easily dodges. Mario then rips out
one of the ropes on the ring and uses it as a whip on the Spiney. The Spiney
falls apart. Mario uses the rope/whip on the other Spineys.
“This
is starting to lack humor.” Mario mutters under his breath.
A staircase appears and Mario and Luigi walk up it.
They are now in a HUGE ring.
“What’s with the big ring?” Mario asks Luigi.
His question is answered when thirty Koopas enter
the ring. Along with them are forty Goombas, ten Buzzy Beetles, fifty
Paratroopas, fifteen Spineys, five Chargin’ Chucks, seventeen Blastoises,
eighteen Charzards, eleven Venisours, twenty seven Belomes, six Digimon, sixty
six worms carrying Banana Bombs, twelve Storm Troopers carrying Heavy Repeating
Blasters, seventy eight Sharpclaw, twenty two Tekitites, one hundred Re-dead, a
potato named Kabagi, one hundred and one angry hobos carry shotguns, three
AT-ATs, two turtle doves, a partridge and a pear tree with exploding fruit, and
a monkey throwing poop.
“AHHHHHH!!!!!!
DON’T HURT ME!!!!! I GIVE UP!!!!!!!” Mario
screams as he throws his hands up in the air. The sheer stench of Mario’s
armpit knocks them all out, including Luigi. Mario goes over to Luigi and
revives him by kicking him in the shins.
“You really need to get deodorant.
“Fine with me.”
A staircase appears and the Mario brothers go up
it. They are in a ring (duh) and in the middle of the ring is…
“BOWSER!”
“BWAH HA HA HA! You think you can beat me?”
“Yes.”
“Probably true, but you’re not going to fight
me. Meet your final opponent.”
The room goes dark. A door at the other end of the
room opens with a billow of smoke. A figure emerges from the door. The figure is
fat and has a mustache. It also has pointy shoes.
“Meet your doom!” Bowser says.
The lights come back on it the figure appears to
be…
“WARIO!”
“WEH HE HE HE HE HE! We meet again Mario!”
“Let the battle began!” Bowser says as he rings
a bell.”
Mario and Wario circle each other. Wario charges at
Mario at attempts to punch Mario in the face. Mario blocks with two hands, grabs
Wario’s arm with his left hand, and punches Wario in the face with his right.
He then grabs Wario’s arm with both hands and twists it so that Wario does a
horizontal spin onto the floor. Mario then attempts to punch Wario in the face,
but Wario blocks and then throws Mario over his shoulder. They both get up and
Wario attempts to punch Mario. Mario blocks, but his hit with a swift uppercut.
While Mario is on the ground, Wario body slams him. Mario gets up but is
immediately hit and slams against the wall, almost KO’d. Wario winds up for
the final blow, but Mario sticks something in his own mouth. Wario let’s his
blow fly, but Mario blocks. He then punches Wario then gives a very powerful
kick which sends Wario flying across the room. He slams into Bowser and then
they both smash through the wall and out of sight.
“What the heck was that thing you stuck in your
mouth?”
“Whackas bump. Remember?”
“Oh yeah.”
The bag magically pops out of nowhere and the toad
rips out of the bag. He is wearing a black belt. He does all these cool karate
moves and then charges at Mario, who simply kicks the toad. The toad goes
careening out the window into the sewer water. Luigi then notices a note
attached to the bag. He picks it up and reads it out loud.
“The next castle is frozen into the snowy
peak.”
“Interesting. Let’s get out of here.” Mario
says. “It isn’t funny enough.”
“I agree.”
They leave and look for hopefully the final
castle…