Tetraforce
interviews Luigi
(5 minutes before the
show…)
(Tetraforce is sitting on a
couch backstage playing “Super Mario Sunshine”. Kooper (from Paper Mario)
comes in.
Kooper: Come on Tetraforce,
show time!
Tetraforce: I’m playing a
game.
Kooper: I see, now get out.
Tetraforce: No.
Kooper: Looks like I’ll
have to do plan B, blackmail.
Tetraforce: And just what
exactly would you blackmail me with?
Kooper: You say you’re the
Nintendo Master, but you use guides!
Tetraforce: OKAY! I’M COMING!
(Tetraforce enters the stage
and the audience claps for real this time. The reason that the audience is
clapping is due to Tetraforce’s success in his last interview.)
Tetraforce: Hi everybody.
Dr. Nick: I’m going to sue
you for that!
Tetraforce: Whatever. Anyway,
my interviewee is Mario’s brother, Luigi!
(The crowd claps
enthusiastically as Luigi enters the stage. Luigi sits in the chair).
Tetraforce: Hello Luigi.
Luigi: Umm, hi?
Tetraforce: Yes Luigi, hi.
I’m your interviewer.
Luigi: Oh!
Tetraforce: Here’s the first
question: What’s your favorite game you were in.
Luigi: There are two. My
second favorite is Luigi’s Mansion. It was really cool being the star.
Tetraforce: But that wasn’t
your first starring role, was it.
Luigi: You’re talking
about “Mario’s Missing”. That poor excuse for a game was just an attempt
to satisfy Luigi fans.
(Luigi turns to the crowd,
which is mainly Luigi fans, and smiles. The crowd screams with delight)
Luigi: To continue with the
question, my favorite game was… Super Mario Bros. 2
Tetraforce: WHY?! That game was
just a rip-off of “Dream Factory: Doki Doki Panic”! Why the heck is that
your favorite.
Luigi: In Luigi’s Mansion,
I just saved Mario. In Mario 2, I jumped higher than Mario and was a better
character than him!
Tetraforce: Next question; why
did Nintendo chose Mario first rather than you?
Luigi: Grrr. I was
going to be “Mr. Nintendo”. They made the contract out to me. The night
before I was going to go to Nintendo, Mario turned off my alarm clock. He then
took my contract and went into Nintendo, using my name. He passed the tryouts
and test very well…
Tetraforce: Tryouts?
Luigi: Yeah, you didn’t just
think that Nintendo would cavalierly choose people?
Tetraforce: …
Luigi: Anyway, after they
said that he passed, he told them who he really was. They didn’t really care
though, because he was good. I finally woke up and looked at the clock, and ran
to Nintendo, because I was late. When I got there, Nintendo said they already
had somebody and turned me away. But persistence is the key! I finally got a
role in Super Mario Bros. I had done it.
Tetraforce: So Mario lied.
Luigi: Yep.
Tetraforce: Okay, next
question; do you mind being in Mario’s shadow?
Luigi: No. I don’t mind it
at all.
Tetraforce: ?
Luigi: You see, you get used
to it. But if I’m better in a game or I star in a game, I compete with Mario.
Heck with it, we compete in everything!
Tetraforce: Okay, final
question; do you like daisy?
Luigi: (very quickly) No!
Daisy: (from the audience)
Then it’s over Luigi!
Luigi: Wait! I didn’t mean
it!
Daisy: Okay.
Tetraforce: Right. Questions
from the audience. You in seat 12.
Bowser: (Very, very poorly
disguised) what is the best way to defeat plumbers?
Luigi: It works best if you
have a castle. So if you do have a castle, disarm all the traps and make sure
that there is no guards guarding the castle, and make sure that there is a clear
path to you with no traps or enemies along the way. Then you have a pit of lava
below you and a suspended bridge suspended over the lava. Leave an ax in front
of you.
Bowser: Thanks.
(Bowser leaves the studio,
laughing maliciously)
Tetraforce: Okay. That was
weird. You in seat 89!
Chomp: How was it like in
Sub-con? (that would be Super Mario Bros. 2)
Luigi: It was weird. I
didn’t know if what was happening was real, or just another dream. And to
destroy the enemies, you had to jump on top of them and then pick them up and
throw them. I wouldn’t want to do that again.
Tetraforce: Next Q from seat
32.
Chow-down: I have the game
at home and I want to know. Why weren’t you in Super Mario RPG?
Luigi: I WAS! I helped you
navigate through the instructions manual. I was also in the credits, leader of
the parade!
Tetraforce: Seat 1.
Goomba: WAHOO! I’m number
one! I’m number one!
Tetraforce: Would you please
ask a question? Or do I have to bring the Yoshi again.
Goomba: Okay. Are you more
powerful than Mario?
Luigi: Defiantly. You will
see this at th…
Tetraforce: NO FORESHAWDOWING!
Luigi: Fine.
Tetraforce: Last question from
seat 94.
Koopa Troopa: (who is drunk)
Are you my mommy?
Luigi: No.
Tetraforce: Okay, that didn’t
count as a real question. Final question from seat 27.
Paragoomba: Have you ever
been kidnapped by Bowser?
Luigi: See previous answer.
Tetraforce: That’s all the
time we have. Thanks for being here Luigi!
Luigi: No prob.
(Luigi leaves)
Tetraforce: Next time I will
interview… Peach!
End
Transmition!