Tetraforce
interviews Mario
(5 minutes before the
show…)
Tetraforce: AHHHHH! GET BACK
HERE WITH THE QUESTIONS FOR MY INTERVEE!
Bandit: Give me ten coins.
Tetraforce: NO!
Bandit: No coins, no
questions.
Tetraforce: NO QUESTIONS, NO
LIFE!
Bandit: GIVE COINS NOW!
Tetraforce: YOU ASKED FOR IT!
(Tetraforce calls twelve
charging chucks over to him and tells them to beat up Bandit. They do so, and
one of the charging chucks brings him back the question. Now let’s move onto
the show!)
(Tetraforce enters a stage with
a huge crowd in front of it. They aren’t clapping, whooping, or whistling, but
somehow, you hear all of that…)
Tetraforce: Hello! Welcome to
my first interview! You can stop your applause now!
(The audience is looking at
each-other wondering how they can stop applauding if they didn’t even start.
Magically, the applause stops.)
Tetraforce: What better way to
start off my first interview with “Mr. Nintendo” himself. Please put your
hands together for… Mario!
(Now the audience actually
claps, and pretty darn hard too. Mario walks on stage and takes a seat opposite
of Tetraforce)
Mario: Ummm, aren’t I
supposed to be interviewed today? I mean, who the heck are you?
Tetraforce: I am the
interviewer and my name is Tetraforce, the Master of Nintendo!
Mario: Riiight.
Tetraforce: Okay, now for the
first question; where were you really born? I’ve seen Super Mario Bros. the
movie and it appears you were born in Brooklyn. But I’ve also played Super
Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island, and it looks like you were born in mushroom
kingdom. I’ve also read all the other interviews on Lemmy’s Land, and you
don’t answer or say something that is completely wrong! WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU
REALLY FROM?!
Mario: Okay, time to
straighten this whole thing out. To answer your last question first, in the
other interviews, I had a script. To answer the first question, I was really
born in… Mushroom Kingdom. When I was really young, I was playing outside with
my brother. Baby Bowser, still ticked at us for what we did to him (Yoshi's
Island), made a warp
pipe appear right under us so we were teleported. He ended up in Brooklyn and
forgot about the whole thing. That’s
where the movie comes into place. After we beat Bowser, Mushroom Kingdom
returned to normal. We decided to live in Mushroom Kingdom, and then we learned
what had really happened.
Tetraforce: That clears a lot
of stuff up. This next question is a small question; how was it being trapped
inside the painting in “Luigi’s Mansion”?
(Upon hearing this, Mario
yelps and curls up in a ball.)
Mario: DON’T REMIND ME OF
THAT!
Tetraforce: Please tell us.
Mario: Fine. It was
horrible! I am scarred for life because of that.
Tetraforce: Man. What did the
do to you!
Mario: They made me play
(shudder), X-Box games!
Tetraforce: How did you
survive!
Mario: I… Don’t… Know!
(Mario breaks down and
starts crying.)
Tetraforce: Okay. Next
question! In “Donkey Kong” you wore red pants, blue shirt, and blue hat. I
like the way you’re dressed now but, why change.
(Mario stops crying)
Mario: I like red. That’s
way I chose red for the pants. I also like blue though. However, that was
Nintendo’s first game. That company just started out and had a very small
budget. We had to buy our own clothes and props. I bought my clothes for
“Donkey Kong”. I liked the combination. But then the stores stopped making
red jeans. Having all blue would have been hard to see and annoying. So I had to
switch my shirt and hat for red. By “Super Mario World” they had lots of
money due to the success of “Super Mario Bros. 3” (which was the best
selling Mario game ever). Nintendo could finally buy props and clothes and a new
studio! I wanted to switch back, but the gamers had grown to accustom to my
clothes and I haven’t switched since.
Tetraforce: That’s pretty
interesting. I have one more question, then I ask the audience for some
questions. The final question is: How did you feel when Nintendo wanted you to
join them?
Mario: Concerned. Me and
Luigi were already living in an apartment, and if the games Nintendo made were a
flop, we’d be living out on the streets. But “Donkey Kong” was a success,
so I stayed. I did a couple more games, and then Luigi wanted to join. I was
about to do another game, but they had to cancel it. They made “Super Mario
Bros.” instead as a last minute game to include Luigi. It was a huge success.
We both stayed on and did more and more games, getting more famous and getting
more money. Now I really like the Nintendo Company and I have life insurance.
Tetraforce: Cool. Thank you
Mario for answering my questions and making this interview three pages long! Now
questions from the audience. Uhh, you in seat 39!
Bowser: (with a notepad and
a pen out) What is your weakness?
Mario: Do you really think
I’m stupid enough to say that? Think again!
Tetraforce: You in seat 42!
Bloober: I’ve noticed that
in games when you get a mushroom, you get big. When you get a fire-flower, you
change color and power. When you get a Starman (the stars that make you
invincible), you start blinking. But the question is, do you just touch the
items, or do you actually have to eat them.
Mario: I depends. The
mushrooms I do have to eat, but they do taste pretty good. The fire-flowers just
attach to my hand and shoot the flames for me. I just have to touch a starman
and I absorb the power.
Tetraforce: Okay, you in seat
87.
Goomba: What about this
whole “extra life” thing?
Mario: Okay. You can notice
this best in Super Mario Bros. When I’m small and get hurt, you notice I fall
off the screen. Below me is a safety net. This also happens with lava. I touch
it then fall off screen onto the safety net.
Tetraforce: You in seat 12.
Paratroopa: If your big and
get hurt, you grow small. How?
Mario: Two words; Computer
animation. I’m still there, but it appears that I’m small.
Tetraforce: We have time for
one more question. You in seat 27.
Luigi: How come you’re
more popular than me?
Mario: It happened like
this; in Super Mario Brothers, you were the second player which nobody wanted to
play. This continued to happen through all the Mario games, and you become the
character nobody wanted to play. That’s why you are so unpopular.
Tetraforce: Thank you Mario for
being here today.
Mario: It was my pleasure.
(Mario leaves)
Tetraforce: Please come in next
time when I interview Mario’s Brother, Luigi!
End
Transmition!