Tetraforce
re-interviews Mario
(5 minutes and 27 seconds
before the show…)
(Michael walks in th-)
Tetraforce: MY NAME ISN’T
MICHAEL! IT’S TETRAFORCE!
(Yeah, yeah. I’m the
announcer so… SHUT UP!
Tetraforce: I’M
THE ANNOUNCER! I’M THE INTERVIEWER! I’M THE INTERVIEWEE!
(So you possess people?)
Tetraforce: …
(Gotcha)
Tetraforce: Grrr.
(Aren’t you going to do
the 5 minutes before the show thing?)
Tetraforce: You’ve already
ruined it by saying 5 minutes and 27 seconds.
(Please? They’re funny!)
Tetraforce: I have a
super-scope.
(You can’t shoot me. I’m
just a disembodied voice that comes out of nowhere.
Tetraforce: ARRGH! I’ll
fire you!
(YIKES! I’LL BE GOOD!
I’LL BE GOOD!!!)
Tetraforce: Ha, ha. I win.
(I’ll get you my pretty,
and your little interviewee too!)
Tetraforce: Disembodied
voice security!
(The disembodied voice
security comes and drags the announcer out of the room.)
(NOOOO!)
(A new disembodied voice
takes the old disembodied voice’s position.)
Tetraforce: Let’s start
this over.
(5 minutes before the
show…)
Tetraforce: I just wanted to
keep the tradition going by saying “5 minutes before the show…”. In fact,
the show starts now!
(Tetraforce walks on stage
and is met by the furious clapping of the crowd).
Tetraforce: Thank you! Today
I will be re-interviewing… Mario!
(Mario walks onstage and is
met by the applause of the audience. Mario then takes a seat in, the
chair.)
Tetraforce: Thanks for being
here, but why are you here again?
Mario: You promised.
Flashback
Michael:
YES! Mario! How can I ever thank you?
Mario:
Just interview me again.
Michael:
Sorry. I have to do two more people first, then I’ll interview you.
Mario:
That’s okay.
Michael:
Why did you do this for me?
Mario:
A couple reasons. First of all, you’re the one of the extremely few people who
doesn’t make me look like an idiot, you’re a nice person, and you are a very
big Nintendo fan.
Michael:
Well thanks. Come in next time when I hope I’ll be able to interview Bowser.
End
Flashback
Tetraforce: Okay, let’s
start the questions; Why are you called “The Mario Bros.” when you guys
aren’t brothers.
Mario: Cause that’s how
Nintendo wanted it.
Tetraforce: I hate answers
like that. OH! That reminds me of something that is not related to that subject
at all!
(Tetraforce pulls out lots
of bottles with stuff in it.)
Tetraforce: As you know, in
two interviews in the past, I’ve ended up in the hospital. So I know have
insurance! I have five bottled faeries, four blue potions, and three red
potions, and just to make sure, I have two extra lives.
Jedi Knight: (from audience)
Darn! I guess my revenge will have to wait a bit longer!
(Jedi Knight puts down his
bazooka.)
Tetraforce: Riiight. Next
question: About Wario…
Mario: NO QUESTIONS ABOUT
WARIO!
Tetraforce: Fine. Then about
you: in my first interview with you, you were very cooperative with me and very
polite. You’re not like that anymore. Why is that?
Mario: It was your first
interview, and I wanted it to be a success.
Tetraforce: Thank you.
Mario: No prob. Now I’m
more comfortable in being myself.
Luigi: (from audience) Which
is a big fat lazy slob!
Tetraforce: I have nothing
against you Luigi, but you’re really, really, really annoying.
Luigi: Fine. I’ll leave.
(Luigi leaves.)
Tetraforce: You know what
really sucks?
Mario: Yes.
Tetraforce: I’ll pretend
you said no: having other people doing interviews and asking questions you
wanted to ask to make it longer. I’ll ask the final Q and then the audience
will ask some.
Mario: WHAT?! You haven’t
even asked four questions!
Tetraforce: This interview
is long enough as it is: I know what your favorite power-up is (The Wing Cap),
so what’s your least favorite one?
Mario: Ooo, that’s a tough
one. Let me think… I’ve got it! The poison mushroom!
Tetraforce: That’s not a
power-up.
Mario: Then it would have to
be… The Vanish Cap.
Tetraforce: But why? It
enabled you to move through certain walls and not get hurt be enemies.
Mario: Do you know what it
feels like to be invisible?
Tetraforce: Yeah. I’ve
played a couple games the cloaking devices.
Mario: NO! In real life.
Tetraforce: No.
Mario: You feel really
tingly and you feel like you’re going to throw up.
Tetraforce: Sorry, I’m
going to have to correct your grammar.
Mario: ?
Tetraforce: You’re
supposed to say “gonna” instead of going to. Didn’t you ever go to school?
Mario: I hate you.
Tetraforce: No you don’t.
You helped me out in court.
Mario: Oh yeah.
Tetraforce: Time for
question from the audience! Seat 67.
Bowser: Do you want a free
drink?
(Bowser holds up a vile
marked “Poison”.)
Mario: I’m not that
stupid. Y-.
Tetraforce: You just dissed
yourself.
Mario: … Anyway, you
should try that trick on Luigi, it might work on him.
Bowser: Thanks.
Tetraforce: Next question in
seat 57.
Jedi Knight: I w-.
Tetraforce: HOW DO YOU KEEP
GETTING IN?!
Jedi Knight: I can know. In
fact, I can get backstage.
Tetraforce: HOW?!
Jedi Knight: I’m a member
of your staff!
Tetraforce: A-. Dang.
Jedi Knight: Question time!
Why do you hate Link so much?
Mario: I already said!
He’s a gay cross dresser.
Link: (From audience. Link
puts his hands on his hip.) You meany.
(Link walks out of the
studio, but not before stopping to give a wink to Waluigi.)
Waluigi: (Shudder) Ewww.
Tetraforce: That’s just
not right.
Mario: No, it isn’t.
Tetraforce: Seat 47.
Goomba: OH MY GOD! I’M
GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE! LOOK AT THAT! I WENT FROM 6 TO 47! I WANT MY MOMMY!
Tetraforce: Just ask.
Goomba: Why do you stomp on
us.
Mario: Because it’s my
job.
Goomba: Oh.
Tetraforce: Seat 37.
Sniffit 1: Do you like
Beetles?
Sniffit 2: Because if you
do, can you help us catch some for Booster?
Sniffit 3: Um, yeah. What
they said.
Mario: The answer is no, no,
and no.
Tetraforce: Final
question from seat 27.
Kurubo Goomba: In Mario RPG, when you beat
the game, you were extremely powerful. But in Paper Mario, you started out as a
weakling again. Why is that? And don’t answer with “Because that’s how
Nintendo wanted it.”.
Mario: Well, you see, with
his last breath, Smithy managed up a spell that would sap us of out power and
back to our original state.
Tetraforce: Okay, time to
go! Thanks for being here, again.
Mario: See ya later!
(Mario leaves.)
Tetraforce: Looks like next
time I will interview… Mario? I must be holding the card wrong. AH! I’m
going to interview… What a sec! Mario’s gonna interview me!
End
Transmission!