Chapter 1

Outtakes

 

Brick throw: take 1.

 

          Mario is stuffing himself with anything edible while Luigi is playing Super Smash Brothers Melee. Luigi is beating the tar out of Bowser (which is one of his big dreams. The other one is being more popular then Mario. The last one is to star in at least three games). The house is very quiet. The silence is broken by Mario choking on a meatball. Then the window is broken by a brick thrown through it. The brick however, misses Luigi and hits the TV.

          “NOOO! I WAS WINNING! I WANT MY MOMMIE!”

 

Brick Throw: Take 2

 

          Then the window is broken by a brick thrown through it. The brick misses Luigi yet again, but hits the Gamecube.

          “NOOOOOO! MY GAMECUBE! Well at least my game survived.”

          Luigi rips off the cover o find that his game doesn’t exist anymore.

          “NOOOOOO! MY GAME! At least I still have my memory card.”

          Nope.

          “NOOOOOO!”

 

Brick Throw: Take 3.

 

          The brick hits Luigi in the head.

          “…”

          “Luigi?”

          “…”

          “Oh no.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2

Outtakes

 

Goomba Attack: Take 1

 

          “We have you now!” the chief Goomba shouts. The chief continues, “And don’t think you can’t stomp on us just once to kill us! Cause you can! We are weak little buggers who-. Oh crud. Can we do this scene again?”

 

Goomba Attack: Take 2

 

          “ULTRA JUMP!” Mario jumps up high and comes down… onto the ground, hard.

          CRACK!

          “MY LEGS!”

 

Freaky Mushrooms: Take 1

 

          “I don’t like going here,” Luigi says, “All these people are freaky mushrooms! They are walking fungus with Polka-dots on their heads! They are the scum you find in your shower drain! They killed people in the X-Files! THEY ARE PLANNING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. THE KINGDOM OF MUSHROOMS IS AT HAND!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3

Outtakes

 

Mario Trap: take 1

 

          While Mario and Luigi were talking to the toad/Koopa, another Koopa was spraying a bottle of ‘essence de la broccoli’ in a trail. Then Mario comes along, sniffs, and runs away screaming.

 

Mario Trap: Take 2

 

          He attempts to climb the tree but instead runs into the tree at full force and leaves an indentation of his face into the tree. Meanwhile, Luigi is having the best poker game of his life with the Piranha Plants.

 

Mario Trap: Take 3

 

          “Relax Luigi I know what to do (apparently, Mario has mood-swings). Don’t you remember that plants hate fire? ULTRA FLAME!”

          Mario shoots out his hands and fireballs the size of Mario shoot out from them, bounces off the ground, bounces off a tree, and then comes shooting towards Mario.

          “OH N-. AHHHHHHH!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4

Outtakes

 

Luigi Jump: Take 1

 

          So while Mario’s legs flail over the edge, Luigi jumps over the pit with ease, and lands on Mario’s fingers.

          “OH CRUD!”

          Mario hangs on for dear life with his other hand. But Luigi thinks the scene is over and sits down, on Mario’s other hand.

          “FOR THE LOVE THAT IS ALL HOLY AND SACRED! GET OFF!”

          “Get off? Get off what? Oh. Sorry.”

          “Wait a second… DON’T GET UP! DON’T GET UP!!!”

          Luigi gets up and Mario falls into the lava.

          “AHHHHHH!!! I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL KILL YOU ALL!!!”

 

Bowser Down 1: Take 1

 

          With relative ease, Mario jumps over Bowser. Then Mario grabs the ax and cuts the rope that supports the bridge. However, Mario was still standing on the bridge…

          “AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

Toad 1: Take 1

         

 

          “Thank you for rescuing me, but our princess is in another castle.”

“THAT’S IT!” Mario yells.

“Thank you for rescuing me, but our prin…”

Mario lunges at the toad as hard as he can, but the toad sticks out is foot and does a karate chop to the back of Mario’s head. The toad then scoops his foot under Mario while he is on the ground, throws Mario up into the air, and does the Matrix style kick. The toad then looks at Luigi, who immediately runs away screaming.

 

 

Chapter 5

Outtakes

 

 

Toad-no-like: Take 1

 

. Mario sensing what Luigi is thinking says, “You may be happy that Michael has gone away, but we might have been able to find out where the next castle is. Also because these toads are so stupid, if we ask them about the castle’s whereabouts, then they will say something completely off of the topic. For example ‘where is the next castle?’ ‘If you ever get hurt then go to a toad house’. They are so f***ing annoying!”

“MARIO!!!”

“What?”

“YOU JUST SAID ****!!!”

“LUIGI! WHY ARE YOU USING BAD LANGUAGE?! THIS IS AN E RATED STORY!”

“DIE MARIO DIE!!! I’LL KILL YOU ******* HO!”

“YOU SON OF A *****! I’LL KILL YOU MOTHA *****!”

 

Mountain: Take 1

 

What’s that in the distance!”

“It’s a mole hill Mario. Don’t you even know what a mole hill is? You may not have one, but inside my head, there is something called a brain. You probably don’t have one. If you do then use it for at least once in your life.”

          “Well now, you obviously don’t use yours because that happens to be a mountain.”

          “Ohhhh… Ummm. Well… Yeah…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6

Outtakes

 

Mountain fall: Take one

 

          The Mario Bros start up the mountain. Because Mario is running to fast, he trips and rolls down the mountain. Luigi runs to the crippled Mario, or what is left of Mario, at the base of the mountain. Mario is a bloody mass.

          “Mario are you okay?”

          “Uhhhnn.”

          “Can I have your Game Boy Advance SP?”

          “UHHHNN!”

          “I’ll take that as a yes.”

 

Whacka: Take one.

 

“Look Mario! A Pokemon! It’s a Diglit! Gotta catch em all you know…” And with a psycho look in his eye, Luigi pulls out a Pokeball, prepared to catch the “Diglit”. But just as Luigi is about to throw the Pokeball, Mario stops him.

“Luigi, it’s a Whacka. They live on this mountain. But there are very few left because people keep whacking them to get a rare item, a Whacka Bump.” Mario says to Luigi.

          “Oh.”

          All of a sudden another thing that looks like a Whacka pops out of the ground. But this “Whacka” is brown…

          “Diglit!” The “Whacka” yelps.

          “IT’S A DIGLIT! PREPARE TO BE CAUGHT!”

          Luigi throws the Pokeball and catches the Diglit. Then a voice appears out of nowhere.

          “You have caught a Diglit! New Pokedex entry has been added!”

 

Dry Desert: take one.

 

“Need. Water. Now.” Luigi stammers. The plumbers have their heads down and are taking gasps of air.

          “Need… to… kill… Luigi… and… drink… his… blood…” Mario mutters.

Chapter 7

Outtakes

 

 

Wake Up Call: take 1

 

         

          Luigi tries to wake Mario up. “WAKE UP NOW!” he screams. Believe it or not, Mario didn’t wake up. Luigi pulls out a cell phone a dials a number. After talking for a while, he hangs up and the All American Rejects walk in. Luigi sets the speakers up right by Mario’s ears. They start playing “Swing Swing” and well, you can piece together what happens.

 

Toad From School: Take 1

 

“Hello and welcome to our toad house. Good thing that the traveling explorer, Kolarado, was out in that desert today. He found you there and well, here you are.” The toad finished.

“Hey” Mario asks, “Why aren’t you stupid like the other toads?”

          The Toad looks at them with glazed over eyes and starts drooling.

          “Toad?” Mario asks.

          “Durrrrr. I POOPIED MY PANTIES! BOOGER! FART! HEE HEE HEE!”

          “Let’s go Luigi.”

          “Let’s.”

 

Toad From School: Take 2

 

          “Hey” Mario asks, “Why aren’t you stupid like the other toads?”

          “I took drugs. It calms me dowdowdowdown. Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod! R-r-rush is comcomcomcomincoming! AHHHH!!! THEY’RE ALL OVER ME! DON’T YOU SEE THE LITTLE GREEN MEN TRYING TO EAT ME! DAHHHHHH!!!

          The toad screams and charges at the wall head first and KO’s himself.

 

 

 

Chapter 8

Outtakes

 

Trap: Take 1

 

          “Whatever. That’s what you said last time and nothing happened in the first room. What do you thinks gona happen? Do you think that when I step on the tile directly in front of my will activate a switch that releases a deadly trap such as huge swinging scythes that come down from the ceiling and try do decapitate us? Look I’ll show you.”

          Luigi takes a step on the tile in front of him. The tile sinks into the ground.

          “Uh-oh.” Luigi says.

          All of a sudden, TV screens pop out of every place possible and the source of all evil starts place. Yes, that’s right; the Tellitubies!

          AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!”

 

Hat: Take 1

 

         

Luigi looks over Mario. Mario is holding the two pieces of his hat.

          “Why. Why did this happen?” Mario says with tears in his eyes. “We traveled on so many adventures together. I took care of you! Who was your aunt’s funeral? Who stayed beside your bed when you were sick! Me! Why did you let me down? Now let us part, forever…”

          “Aren’t you exaggerating Mario?”

          Mario looks at Luigi with his eyes wide open and a psycho smile. He pulls out an Uzi…

 

 

Trapped Luigi: Take 1

 

          But the moment Luigi steps into the boss room a huge wind blows from the right side of the room and hurls Luigi to the left side of the room. Luigi smashes into the wall and slides down it. He slides into quicksand and sinks until only his head remains above the surface. But he keeps on sinking. Then he is completely under the sand. Luigi’s cries from under the sand get fainter and fainter, until they finally stop. Mario starts dancing around the room singing, “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead”.

 

Bowser Down: Take 1

 

          Bowser starts walking with slow, heavy steps. He starts to move past Mario but then, Mario gets an idea. When Bowser is to the side of Mario, Mario turns towards Bowser and pushes him. Almost. He misses and falls into the quicksand. Bowser pulls Mario out.

          “Sorry, I missed.”

          “Awww. It’s okay pal.”

          “Thanks.”

          “Hey, after this, wanna go play a game of laser tag? My treat.”

          “I’d love to!”

         

Toad: Take 1

 

       The string binding the bag opens and out pops… a toad.

       “What is your name?”

       “What the?” Mario says.

       “Umm. Luigi?”

       “What is your quest.”

       “I seek the princess.”

       “What is average air-speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?”

       “Ah-. I don’t know that. AHHHHH!!!”

       Luigi is magically picked up and thrown into the quicksand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 9

Outtakes

 

Scaredy Mario: Take 1

 

       “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! DON’T HURT ME! I’M TOO YOUNG TO FRY!” Mario screams.

       “Not really. By the looks of it, you’ve been eating a lot of fried stuff, especially Kentucky Fried Chicken. That’s why you’re so fat. You need to go on a diet.”

 

Scaredy Mario: Take 2

 

       “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! DON’T HURT ME! I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!” Mario screams.

       “No your not. You’re at least forty.”

       “Shut up.”

 

The Forest: Take 1

 

       The Mario Brothers go into the forest. The first fifteen minutes of walking are okay. The sun is still overhead, the trees are green, and there are cute little animals near the path. But then the trees start looking more old and withered. The branches on the trees are bare. Now there is very graphic road kill animals near on the path. Up ahead they see a rabbit racing a tortoise. A car comes along and squashes the bunny.

       “So that’s how the tortoise won…” Mario says thoughtfully.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 10

Outtakes

 

Gate: Take 1

 

       “Lack of budget.” Luigi whispers to Mario. Mario nods. Mario reaches towards the gate to open it, but the moment he touches it, squat happens. Mario starts pushing as hard as he can, but the gate won’t budge. He gets a chainsaw and tries to cut down the gate, but the chainsaw breaks the moment it hits the gate.

       “Lack of budget indeed.” Mario says as he falls to the ground exhausted.

 

Life’s tough: Take 1

 

       “Life’s tough, get a helmet.” Upon saying this Luigi “lightly” punches Mario on the top of his head. Luigi doesn’t know his own strength, and cracks Mario’s skull. His eyes pop out and he becomes unconscious.

 

Trap Door: Take 1

 

       “Well, what do we do now?” Mario says out loud.

       Nothing happens.

       “I said, what do we do now?”

       More nothingness happens.

       “I FREAKING SAID WHAT DO WE DO NOW!”

       He starts jumping up and down on the trap door. It won’t budge. Mario screams and runs out of the room.

 

Platforms: Take one

 

       While on the platforms, Mario turns to Luigi and says, “What causes these bubbles anyways?”

       Luigi looks to the right, and sees ten abnormally large Koopas drinking beer. Every time they burp, green bubbles come out of their mouth.

       “I dunno know.”

 

 

Bowser: Take one

 

       Bowser jumps up high and lands on the bridge. Nothing happens.

       “What the?” Mario says.

       “I’m going to inspect the bridge.” Bowser says.

       He walks over to the support beam and realizes that it hasn’t been cut.

       “I found the problem.”

       Mario looks up.

       “DON’T CUT IT!!!”

       Bowser cuts it and Mario goes for little fall.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 11

Outtakes

 

No tell: Take 1

 

       “Oy, Michael!” Mario yells.

       “What?”

       “Umm,” Luigi says, “could you tell us where the next castle is?”

       “No.”

       “WHAT?! BUT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TOO!”

       “So?”

       “So… so… forget it.” Mario walks away to the all-you-can-eat restaurant.

 

No tell: Take 2

 

       “Okay,” Mario says, “but there’s one teensy little problem… WE CAN’T BREATHE WHEN WE’RE IN WATER!”

       “So?”

       “HEY!”

 

Mario miss: Take 1

 

       Mario smacks his forehead. Almost. I don’t know how, but he misses his forehead and hits himself in the eye.

       “OWWWIEEE!”

       Luigi and Michael start laughing.

       “THAT’S NOT FUNNY!”

       “Then why are we laughing?”

 

Merlon: Take 1

 

       It is circular shaped and the only thing in it is a table and a crystal ball. Merlon is at the table playing craps with a stuffed Animal. He is betting and rolling for him too.

       “I guess stress got the better of him.” Mario says as they slowly walk out the door.

      

Chapter 12

Outtakes

 

 

       Sorry, but there are no more outtakes. The director yelled at Mario and Luigi that if they messed up one more time, they would die one thousand painful deaths. Sorry for the inconvenience.

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