Tetraforce
interviews Peach
(Five minutes before the
show…)
(I must tell you something
first. The entire staff is the Paper Mario characters that fought alongside with
Mario, but they are not 2D anymore. They are 3D.)
(Tetraforce walks through the
back entrance to find Goombario playing X-Box.
Tetraforce drops the
paper he was carrying.)
Tetraforce: GOOMBARIO!
Goombario: Oh, shoot.
(Goombario hastily tries to
hide the X-Box.
Tetraforce: YOU TRAITOR!
Goombario: Oh ya, you play
PS2!
Tetraforce: That’s different!
PS2 is good, but not as good as Nintendo. But
Goombario: Please don’t
hurt me.
Tetraforce: I won’t. But I
have to do something… I know! You have to give me your paycheck!
Goombario: ARRGH! Fine.
Tetraforce: YES!
(Kooper walks in)
Kooper: Oy, Tetraforce!
Showtime!
(Tetraforce walks onstage and
is greeted be the furious clapping of the crowd. In fact, Tetraforce hears one
person whistling.
Tetraforce: (Thinking to
himself) I’m becoming more popular now. I’m happy.
Tetraforce: (Now talking out
loud) Hello! This is my third interview so far! Today I will be interviewing…
Peach!
Peach: (From backstage)
THAT’S PRINCESS PEACH!
Tetraforce: Whatever. I’ll be
interviewing Princess Peach.
(Peach walks onstage and
takes a seat in, the chair.)
Tetraforce: Hello Princess
Peach. Can I please call you peach?
Peach: No.
(Tetraforce points above
Peach’s seat. She looks up and sees a Thwomp. Tetraforce
then points to his hand,
which is holding a button.)
Peach: (very quickly) Yes.
That’s fine. You can call me peach.
Tetraforce: Excellent.
Mr. Burns: I’m going to
sue you too! (Crack) Ow. There goes my back again. Smithers!
Tetraforce: He he. First
question: What is your relationship with Mario?
Peach: (Extremely fast) NO!
Me and Mario have nothing between us!
(Peach then pulls out a cell
phone and dials a number. A ring comes from the audience and everyone looks at
Mario, who just picked up his phone and answered it.
Peach: (talking into the
phone) That was a lie what I just said.
(Peach and Mario hang up.)
Tetraforce: You’re stupid,
you know that? Anyway, what was your favorite game(s) you were in?
Peach: There are three. In
third is Paper Mario.
Tetraforce: Why?
Peach: Because I got to help
that precious Mario… Uh, I mean, it was cool being in 2D.
Tetraforce: You’re really
stupid.
Peach: My next favorite game
was Mario Kart 64. It was really fun in those go-karts, and sometimes I got to
race against that adorable Mario…
Tetraforce: You’re extremely
stupid.
Peach: My first favorite
game was… Super Smash Bros. Melee! It was so fun finally being able to fight!
But I would never hurt my precious Mario…
Tetraforce: You are one of the
stupidest people I’ve ever met. Moving on. In Super Smash Brothers Melee, I
saw you could fight.
Peach: Pretty darn good too.
Tetraforce: Didn’t your
mother ever tell you not to interrupt?
Peach: …
Tetraforce: So we saw you could
fight. But if you could fight, then why the heck do you keep getting kidnapped
by Bowser.
Peach: Because I hadn’t
learned how to fight.
Tetraforce: But Super Mario
Sunshine came out after SSMB and you still got kidnapped.
Peach: …
Tetraforce WHAT?! WHY!
Peach: You didn’t just
think Nintendo would let their stars get thrown all over the place like a
hackysack, did you?
Tetraforce: …
Peach: You did?
Tetraforce: But what if your
clone wanted to destroy you so that they would be the star and nobody would
know?
Peach clone: (from audience)
we are programmed so that if we even think about that we will automatically
self-destruct. Uh-oh.
BANG!
Tetraforce: OK. That was weird.
Q’s from the audience. You in seat 32.
Bowser: Can I kidnap you?
Peach: NO!
Tetraforce: seat 84.
Koopa Troopa: (now sober)
Can I date you?
Peach: NO!
Tetraforce: Seat 73.
Buzzy Beatle: What’s your
favorite food.
Peach: Hmm. That’s a tough
one. I’d have to say… smoked salmon.
Tetraforce: Seat 2.
Goomba: Awww. Now I’m
number 2.
Tetraforce: Good for you. NOW
ASK A FEAKING QUESTION!
Goomba: How much do you
weigh and how old are you?
Peach: THAT’S NONE OF YOUR
BUSINESS!
Mario: (From audience)
I’ll tell you!
Peach: DON’T YOU DARE!
Tetraforce: Final Q from seat
27.
hJedi Knight: I want to kn-.
Tetraforce: HEY! You’re not a
Nintendo character!
Jedi Knight: But-.
Tetraforce: Sorry!
(a hammer bro dressed in a
tuxedo and wearing sunglasses come and drags Jedi Knight out.)
Jedi Knight: NOOOOOO!
Tetraforce: Even though that
didn’t doesn’t count as a Q, I want to go home. Thanks for coming Peach.
Peach: Bye.
(Peach leaves)
Tetraforce: Next time I will
interview… Yoshi! See ya later!